Tainted Love
by Ms.Orange21
Summary: COMPLETE! After a particularly bad BuffySpike fight at the Bronze, Spike decides to leave Sunnydale for good. What does Buffy do? And who is this Cecelia chick?.... Post As You Were
1. Tainted Love

**Title:**               _Tainted Love_

**Summary:**            _A night at the Bronze that doesn't go quite as planned._

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "Normal Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**            _Who do you think? __J_

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  "Tainted Love" lyrics by Soft Cell._

Spike was sick.  He was sick and tired of being treated like dirt.  He was pacing back and forth in his crypt, thoughts running through his head.  No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, nothing ever worked out.  Even though he fought with them, the Scoobies still treated him like an outsider and Buffy……  he didn't know what the hell was going on there.  First she comes storming into his crypt demanding him to tell her that he loved and wanted her and the next minute she's breaking things off.  She keeps playing hot and cold, insisting that she wants nothing to do with him in one second and in the next, barely able to keep her pants on.  _She wants me to move on and leave her alone, _he thought, _I'll sodding move on._

2 Weeks Later………… 

"Okay! Who's up for some dancin', " Xander asked.

The Scoobs were hanging out in a corner booth at the Bronze.  Food, drinks, candles and Tarot cards were strewn all over the table.

"You know I'm right there!"

"Sure, I can use some gettin' with the boogie."

"Buffy, can I?"

Buffy turned and smiled at Dawn.  "Sure, go ahead."  Instead of punishing her for the stealing and the wish thing a couple of weeks ago, she had decided to start including her with the group.  Willow and Tara helped her with her homework, Anya let her work in the shop, and Xander was reprising his "big brother" role.  If something was wrong, Buffy encouraged Dawn to tell her what was on her mind.  Things were almost the way they should be.  Almost.

"Thanks!" Dawn said with a huge grin.

"How about you guys?  Buffster? Tara?"

"We'll be on the floor in a few," Tara said picking up the cards that were lying on the table.  "Buffy just wanted a quick Tarot reading." 

After Willow, Dawn, Anya, and Xander hit the dance floor, Buffy turned to Tara and said, "I asked for a reading?"

"No.  But we need to talk."

"Oh."  Buffy knew exactly what she wanted to talk about.  Spike.  She had confided in Tara about her relationship with him, but after the Riley situation, she didn't feel like talking about it.  She just wanted to be done with him, a clean break.  And avoid him and the subject of him as much as possible.  But he crept into her mind way too often. 

"Buffy, you can talk to me.  What happened after Riley left?  Spike hasn't been around in weeks, and you've been kind of mopey lately."

"I'm not mopey.  And if I am, it's just because Riley's perfect life depressed me.  Not because I broke things off with Spike."

"You did?  So that's why he hasn't been around."

"Yes," she said, firmly.  "I told you, I was just using him. Now that I know I'm okay, I've thought things over.  I don't have any feelings for him.  End of story."

_You keep telling yourself that, sweetie, _Tara thought, drolly.  _I can see it in your eyes.  The sooner you acknowledge it, the sooner you will finally feel alive again.  _"How did he take it?" she asked out loud.

"He was hurt," Buffy admitted, "but he'll get over it eventually.  He got over Drusilla, he'll get over me."  She sighed.  "We'll probably have to deal with a drunk and depressed Spike for a while, but that's nothing new."

"Well," Tara said, looking over Buffy's shoulder onto the dance floor, " it looks like 2 weeks is sufficient time to get over Buffy."

"What??"

"He looks neither hurt nor depressed," she continued, stifling a giggle.

Buffy turned around to look at the dance floor.  Her eyes found what Tara was talking about.  Spike was dancing with a black haired girl near the edge of the dance floor.  If you could call it dancing.  It looked more like they were having sex with their clothes.  Both of her arms were around his neck and he had one leg between hers.  One of his arms was around her waist, and his other hand held a bottle of Jack Daniel's.  And he looked different.  His hair was spiked right up instead of slicked back.  Instead of his normal duster and two-shirt combo, he was wearing bootcut black jeans with a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off that had a picture of a Union Jack on it.  She didn't know why, but she felt the sudden need to 'talk' to Spike.  Right now.

"Hey, when did he pierce his eyebrow and get a tattoo," Tara asked, after looking at the couple a little more closely.  "Uh, Buffy…. What-" she started to say as she saw the petite slayer rise from her chair and head for the dance floor.  

"Zip it, Tara."

"Zipped."

_Oh boy.  She morphed into the green eyed monster right before my very eyes, Tara_ thought, as she watched Buffy depart.  _But she won't admit it.  This should be interesting._

"You," Buffy said, storming up to Spike and rudely shoved the girl away without a second look.  She landed on the floor with a thud

"What do you want? Lemme guess, it's time for kick the Spike again, eh luv?  Did Captain Cardboard come back to help you harass me?  Well, I don't see his big head anywhere, so that's a no."

"Shut up, Spike.  What are you doing here?"

"It's a free country.  I can go wherever I want.  And since you feel the need for an explanation, I was dancing.  People normally do that in clubs, pet."

Before Buffy could answer, Spike's date grabbed her shoulder.  "Listen you bitch… Owww," she screeched, as Buffy snatched her hand away and twisted her wrist harshly.

"If you want to live to whore yourself another day, you had better make like a tree and leave."

She ran.

Spike realized what was going on.  "It looks like someone is jealous.  "What's wrong, luv?  Wish it was you dancin' with me?"  He paused to think for a second.  "Wait, you can't.  You're not invisible anymore."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what that means."

That was all she could take.  "You listen to me.  You are nothing.  I feel nothing but contempt for you.  I want you out of Sunnydale and out of my life!  I am disgusted with myself for even just kissing you!  You are beneath me."

"Yeah, I've been beneath you," he sneered.  "I've also been above you and behind you, all while you screamed my name---"

The slap caught him off guard.  It snapped his head to the side, leaving an imprint of her 5 fingers on his cheek.  He slowly turned his head back around to face Buffy, his eyes flashing yellow.  Her face was flushed and her breathing was unsteady.  He caught the anger – and a little hurt? — present in her expression.  Not saying a word, Spike just turned and started to walk away.  

"Fuck you, Spike," she said to his retreating back.

He stopped for a second and said bitterly over his shoulder, "Sorry, luv.  We've already played that game."  And he continued walking away.

Tara didn't even try to stop Buffy as she headed straight to the bar after her confrontation with Spike.  She just joined her for a drink or two.

A few minutes later, the rest of the Scoobs bustled up to the bar, taking a break from the dancing.

"Karaoke's gonna start soon," Dawn announced.  "That should be a kick!  Listening to people who can't carry a tune."

"I might give it a whirl," Anya said.  "After the whole singing demon thing, I realized my voice wasn't half bad."

Xander was looking around, taking in the scene.  "Uh, Buffy?  Beer bad remember?"

"Yeah.  Beer bad, but tequila very good."

"Did I miss something?"

"Chill.  I only did 2 shots.  I'm fine."

"Good.  No cavewoman Buffy," Willow laughed. 

Loud screeches of feedback made the group cringe.  "Sounds like they're starting the sing a long," she commented.

"Sometimes I feel I've got to Run away I've got to 

**Get away**

**From the pain that you drive into the heart of me"**

Buffy stiffened when she heard the singing.  Of course she'd recognize his singing voice; he has sung to her once before.  

"The love we share 

**Seems to go nowhere**

**And I've lost my light**

**For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night**

**Once I ran to you (I ran)**

**Now I'll run from you**

**This tainted love you've given**

**I give you all a boy could give you**

**Take my tears and that's not nearly all**

**Oh...tainted love**

**Tainted love"**

"Dude, no way!  Oh this is going to be so much fun to rub in his face later," Xander exclaimed, as they all turned to watch Spike perform.  

**"Now I know I've got to**

**Run away I've got to**

**Get away**

**You don't really want any more from me**

**To make things right**

**You need someone to hold you tight**

**And you think love is to play**

**But I'm sorry I don't play that way"**

"He's not half bad," Willow whispered to Tara.  

"No, he really does sound great," she responded.  _But I have a bad feeling about this._

**"Once I ran to you (I ran)**

**Now I'll run from you**

**This tainted love you've given**

**I give you all a boy could give you**

**Take my tears and that's not nearly all**

Oh...tainted love 

**Tainted love"**

Buffy knew he was singing the song to her directly.  Why?  Did this song have some purpose?  What did he want from her?  And why did she have this heaviness in her chest?  __

**"Don't touch me please**

**I cannot stand the way you tease**

**I love you though you hurt me so**

**Now I'm going to pack my things and go**

**Tainted love, tainted love..."**

He had his eyes on her the whole time.  He wondered if his point got across.  Oh well if it didn't.  _That's it.   Time to move on._ _I'm through with these games._

"Guys, I don't feel so good," Buffy stated.  "Could we go home now?  Please?"

End Part I

TBC


	2. Something's Wrong

**Title:**               _Something's Wrong_

**Summary:**            _Buffy finds out something. (Sorry if the fight scene sucks; I'm not too good at them!)_

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "Normal Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**            _Who do you think? __J_

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  _

Buffy was patrolling.  She'd been kind of lacking in the slaying department lately, with helping Anya plan the wedding, spending more time with Dawn, helping Tara move back in, and her job at the DMP.  The vamps were getting a little braver in her infrequent slaying patterns.  By time decided to head on home, she had already staked about 10 nasties.  Busy night.  As she was passing by the cemetery, she saw 3 vamps just hanging out by the gates._  I guess going straight home is out of the question, _she thought._   Oh well. _ 

"Can I join the party," she called out, throwing a stake into one of the vamps chest, dusting him immediately  "Whoops!  That just slipped right out of my hand!" 

The remaining two just growled.  "Slayer!"

"God, I hate it when you jerks say that," Buffy complained as they advanced on her. "I have a name, you know!"

One of them grabbed her and threw her into the cemetery, up against a headstone.   She didn't move.

"That's the Slayer," asked Vamp 2.  "One hit and she's out?!"

"Go check her," responded Vamp 1.  "Make sure she's unconscious."

He wandered over to Buffy and cautiously knelt by her prone body.  "She's out for the count, boss!"

"Nah, I was just thinking really hard," she said, eyes snapping open.  She quickly staked him while he was kneeling over her dumbfounded.  "Two down!  Okay buddy," she said, facing Vamp 1,  "let's get this over with.  I really want to get home and I am so not in the mood for this right now."

He snarled and launched himself at her; they hit the ground struggling. _ Ow.  Okay, that hurt!_

They rolled down a hill, coming to a stop as they hit the wall of a mausoleum.  Buffy quickly rolled on top of the vamp, trying to hold his arms down with her legs. "I told you," she said, grabbing his head and thumping it against the wall, "I want" * thump! *  "to go" * thump! * "home!" * thump! *

Before he could gain his senses back, she took a stake out of sleeve and dusted him.  _Now where did that damn vamp roll me to?  _Buffy thought.  Wiping herself off, she checked out her surroundings.  Wait a minute…. She walked around to the front of the mausoleum….  She couldn't believe that she just had a fight right outside of Spike's crypt.  Why didn't he come out to help her?  She knew he loved watching her fight.  And he certainly sensed when she was around.  Then she remembered.   She hadn't been in his end of the cemetery or heard a peep from him since that night in the Bronze three weeks ago.  Not that she cared.  She got was she wanted.  To be done with him.  But then why did thinking about it make her chest hurt?  Forget it.  She should just head home and keep pushing him to the back of her mind.  It was done with.

But as she took one last look over her shoulder while she was walking away, her eye caught something.  The crypt door was open.  Spike never left his door open.  Buffy was curious.  She took a small flashlight out of her pocket and stepped inside.  "Spike?"

There was no answer as she looked around the room.  It looked like he had gotten rid of as much of the rubble from Riley's grenade as he could.  "Spike, are you here?"  Still no answer.  A feeling of unease settled over her. _He's probably just out getting some blood and smokes. _ Yet something still didn't feel right.

She went down the ladder into the more livable quarters of Spike's place.  Most of the rubble was gone from here too.  Actually, everything was gone.  Candles, rugs, bed, fridge, TV.  Everything.  Unease turned to panic.  She bolted out of the crypt.

Buffy kept on running until she got to the old factory where Spike and Dru used to live.  He had the DeSoto stashed there since he didn't use it much anymore.  She went around back to the makeshift shed that was covering the car.  Inside she found Spike's motorcycle lying carelessly on its side.  Its front wheel was bent as if it was in a crash.  The DeSoto was gone.  

                                                            ***

Tara awoke with a start.  She heard a loud crash come from downstairs.  "Willow, did you hear that," she whispered, looking over at her.  Still asleep. _ Damn, she'd probably sleep through an earthquake! _ She quietly got out of bed, and grabbed a baseball bat from the closet.  After making sure Dawn was still safe and sleeping, she headed down the stairs softly.  Nothing unusual in the living room or the dining room.  She gasped when she saw the scene in the kitchen

Buffy was sitting with one leg under her in front of the open refrigerator door, still filthy from her fight earlier.  A carton of orange juice was on its side in a puddle.  In her hands were the remains of a broken glass she held so tightly that it was cutting her skin.  She was rocking back and forth, oblivious.

 "Oh my God!  Buffy are you okay?  What happened," she asked, rushing to her side.

"Gone. He left. Gone.  He left.  He left.  He's gone.  He said he'd never leave me like them…." She started babbling.

"Breath, honey.  Slow down," Tara said, soothingly.  "Lemme get that glass out of your hands; you're hurting yourself.  Now, who left?"

She turned to look in Tara's eyes.  She wasn't sobbing, but tears were sliding down her cheeks.

"He left.  Just like my dad.  Just like Angel.  Just like Riley.  Just like Giles.  Now Spike.  He said he'd never leave, but everyone always does.  Everyone always leaves me."

End Part 2

TBC  
  
* _ Don't worry.  I'll get to the tattoo! Soon! * _


	3. Interlude

**Title:**               _Interlude _

**Summary:**       _Just a segue into what the next chapter is going to include.  _

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "Normal Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? __J_

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  Lyrics to "Be Like That" by 3 Doors Down_

He was looking out his apartment window in L.A.  It was nighttime, but he didn't feel like going out tonight. _Casablanca _was playing on the TV in the background, but he wasn't paying attention to it.  He was just thinking.  About life.  About love.  About love that's not returned.  About people you love so much that you hate them.  About leaving.  He couldn't believe he actually did it.  Well, he told her he wasn't her lapdog anymore.  No more screwing with his head and his emotions.  He couldn't take the pain anymore.  

A voice broke through his thoughts. "Thinking about her again, William?"

He just sighed in response.  "Come on, baby.  Cecelia will make it all better."  

Spike walked over to the couch and laid down, his head in her lap. _ Casablanca_ was still on.  Just what he needed:  a romance.  He sighed again.

**_He spends his nights in California,_****   
_Watching the stars on the big screen   
Then he lies awake and he wonders,   
Why can't that be me   
Cause in his life he is filled   
With all these good intentions   
He's left a lot of things   
He'd rather not mention right now   
But just before he says goodnight,   
He looks up with a little smile at me,_****_   
_****_And he says,   
If I could be like that,   
I would give anything _**_  
**Just to live one day, in those shoes   
If I could be like that,   
I would give anything   
Just to live one day, in those shoes   
If I could be like that, what would I do,   
What would I do**   
**Now and dreams we run    **_

                                                            *****

It was dusk.  She was sitting on a bench on the campus of Sunnydale University.   She just looked at people.  The happy couples walking home from class.  Groups of friends giggling and talking.  It made her feel depressed.  She realized now that when Spike was singing in the Bronze, he was telling her in a roundabout way that he had enough; he was leaving.  She hasn't patrolled in almost a week.  Even going near the cemetery made her feel empty inside.    Everyone was worried about her.  She put on a show for everyone.  Everything's okay, I'm over it, he should have left long ago, she kept telling them. What was she supposed to do now?  She didn't want him; she didn't need him.  Did she?  Why did she feel like this if she didn't care?  Confusion was tormenting her.

  
**_She spends her days up in the north park,   
Watching the people as they pass   
And all she wants is just   
A little piece of this dream,   
Is that too much to ask   
With a safe home, and a warm bed,   
On a quiet little street   
All she wants is just that something to   
Hold onto, that's all she needs   
Yeah!   
If I could be like that,   
I would give anything   
Just to live one day, in those shoes   
If I could be like that, what would I do,   
What would I do   
I'm falling into this, dreams _**

Why me?  they both thought.

  
We run away   
Falling in   
I feel I am falling in, to this again.

End Part 3

TBC  
  
* _ Who is Cecelia?  And what about the tattoo?  Don't worry, I'm getting there!   * _


	4. Food for Thought

**Title:**               _ Food for Thought_

**Summary:**       _ Buffy gets a good talking to from her friends and family._

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "Normal Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**            _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  _

Tara was having a bad day.  A jock on campus tried hitting on her this afternoon and he got confused when she said that she 'didn't play on his team'.  "Of course you don't play football," he had stated.  "You're a girl."  Yeah, he was definitely not a biochemist major, that's for sure.  Then, she practically got run over buy a bunch of frat guys playing Frisbee football.  Twisted her ankle trying to avoid them.  And to top it off, she got a C- on her Calculus exam.  By time she got home, she was an irritable, sore mess.  She prayed that things were calm in the household; she was close to blowing up at the next person who annoyed her.

"Hey, I'm home!"

Willow bounded down the stairs to greet her.  "Hey, how was class today?"

Tara made a disgusted face.  "Ugh.  You don't even want to know.  I'm just happy it's Friday!  Where's everybody?"

"Dawn's doing her homework upstairs and – get this – Anya offered to make dinner for us tonight!  Her and Xand are in the kitchen right now!"

She cringed.  "Anything blow up yet?"

"Nope!  Everything is smooth and smoke-free."

"How's Buffy?"

Willow sighed as they headed into the kitchen.  "Still mopey.  She hasn't gotten out of her PJs all day and she doesn't want to talk about it to anyone.  She just looks so empty.  I mean, yeah, people have left her before."

"Her dad, Angel, Riley, and Giles, to be exact," Tara agreed.

"Yeah, but they all had special relationships with her.  Spike is…. Well Spike is Spike."  Tara kept quiet to that.  "But I think that she just couldn't take the pain of yet another person leaving her," Willow finished.

"What she really needs to do," Anya interrupted from over the stove, "is to snap out of it.  She's been in full mope mode for over a week!  It's very depressing."

"I hate to say this," said Tara, "but I agree with her.  It's not going to do her any good and it's making everyone else irritable and edgy.  No one knows how to act around her…  Hold on I think I hear the phone.  Be right back."

When she got to the living room, the phone had stopped ringing and Buffy was sitting on the couch.

"Hey Buff. Who was on the phone?"

"Don't know."

"Didn't you answer it?"  
"No."

"Why not?"  
"Because."

Tara closed her eyes and sighed_.  Okay, calm down.  She didn't answer the phone.  No biggie.  It's just been a long day.   _She turned and headed back into the kitchen.

                                                            *****

Dinner was ready.  Tara went upstairs to let Dawn know it was time to eat.  As they came back down, they heard Willow in the living room trying to coax Buffy into eating.

"Dinner's ready, Buff."

"So?"

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really."

"But Buffy, you've barely eaten since…. well in a long time!  You're going to get sick!"

"So what?"

It could have been the events of the day, PMS, or maybe she was just extremely tired.  Actually, she was just sick of Buffy sulking.  Tara snapped.

"Oh my god.  I can't take this anymore.  I am so sick of this 'pity me' phase you're going through.  You 'hate' him remember?  It shouldn't upset you too much.  scoffs  You have to stop the denial.  Spike left.  Do you know why?  Do you know why people leave you?  Because you push them away. " Buffy flinched at that.

Hearing the raised voice, everyone hurried into the living room.   "Tara, back off," Xander yelled.  

She ignored him, ranting on.  "He loves you and all you did was step all over him.  And now you're pushing us away.  We're just looking out for you.  Do you think we like seeing you like this?  We want to help you heal.  But you have to let us help you."  She paused to think for a moment.  "No.  We can't help you.  You have to help yourself.  You don't like what happened?  Change it.  There are no ropes or chains holding you down.  Do something about the situation.  It'll make us all feel better."  With that, she stormed upstairs.  

No one knew what to say to Tara's outburst.  Buffy was still sitting, with a stunned look on her face.  "Ummm, Buff… Xander started to say.  She ignored him as she stood up and went up to her room.

                                                            *****

Dawn knocked on Buffy's door.  Without waiting for an answer, she walked in.  Buffy was curled up on her bed, clutching Mr. Gordo.  "Buffy?"  
"Dawnie, what am I going to do?"  
"Oh, Buffy," she said, sitting next to her and rubbing her back.  "I honestly don't know.  No one knows what's going on inside you.  How you feel.  Only you know."  She paused, with a thoughtful look on her face.  "But I do know something," she continued.  "You miss him.  And contrary to popular belief, no soul does not equal no love.  Spike loves you.  He took care of me even when you were gone because you asked him.  He cried for you.  He tortured himself for not being able to stop what happened."  Dawn stopped for a minute to let this sink in.  "Love is brains and emotions," she went on.  "Even if it's hate or disgust, as long as you show some sort of emotion, you can love.  Zombies, for example, show no emotion.  They can't love.  All they know is that they need to eat.  What about a human who's brain dead?  They can't think; therefore they don't know what they need or feel.  They show no emotion because they can't.  But yet they still have a soul.  They might have loved at one point, but now they don't.  Just think about it."

Buffy looked up at Dawn with an incredulous look on her face.  "And just how did you come up with this?"

"Don't know.  I may not always know or do the right things, but there are some things that I do know.  Being an old mystical ball of energy does has its plus side," she said with a grin.  She leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.  "Get some sleep.  We'll talk more tomorrow.  I love you."

"I love you too, Dawn."

                                                            *****

"Tara, I can't believe you freaked like that," Xander commented the next day in the Magic Box.  "You know how dejected she is now.  She didn't need you harping on her."

"I'm sorry, I really am," she replied.  "But she needs to pick herself up and be Buffy again.  She can't act like this forever."

"Yes!  She needed a good kick in the ass!"

The group turned around to look at Anya.  "Well she did!"

"She's right," a voice from the doorway commented.

"Buffy!  We didn't hear you come in," said Willow.  As an afterthought, she added, "Please don't kill Tara!"

She laughed, a real laugh, full of amusement.  The Scoobs turned and looked at each other.  They hadn't heard her laugh in ages.  She was dressed in jeans, a white shirt, leather jacket and boots.  There was an air of determination about her.  

"No, Willow, I'm not going to hurt Tara," she said.  "Actually, I need her help."  She walked over to her and gave Tara a warm hug.  "Thank you," she whispered in her ear.  

"No problem," she replied.  "I'll be happy to yell some sense into you anytime."  They both smiled at each other as they separated.

"And Xander," she said turning to him, "I need a car."

"But….  you don' t have a license….  or know how to drive!"

"The only reason I don't have a license is because I can't parallel park!  I took driver's ed.  Gas, brake, turn signal.  That's all!"

"But Buffy— "

"No buts.  You can give me a couple of lessons if you want, but I need a car.  ASAP."

Dawn just smiled. _ It looks like me and Tara got our points across.  It's good to see the Buffy of old again.        _

"Um, don't mind me asking, but what do you need a car for, anyway," Xander asked.

"I'm taking a road trip."

End Part 4

TBC  
  
* _ Not the best chapter.  Struggled a little to get it out.  But next chapter:  Cecelia and the tattoo?  Maybe…  ; - ) *_


	5. L.A. Woman

**Title:**               _ L.A. Woman_

**Summary:**       _ Buffy goes to LA; We meet Spike's new friend?_

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "Normal Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  Lyrics to "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses; Lyrics to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" by Poison._

Tara helped her with the location spell.  Because Buffy had been with him, they didn't need any of his personal belongings, which was good because there were none left.  Since it was still in the driveway at the Summers' house, Xander fiddled with Joyce's old car and was able to get it up and running again.  After a few quick seat-grabbing lessons (Xander's description of them), Buffy was able to get the basic stop/go techniques down pat.  That's how she found herself driving around LA by Sunday night.  

_Bars…need to find bars… _Buffy thought.  She figured he was probably hanging out at a rough place like Willy's or someplace like the Bronze.  Yeah, that narrows it down a lot.  So she drove around looking for any possible place he might be, humming along to 80s night on a local radio station.

Welcome to the jungle  
It gets worse here everyday  
Ya learn ta live like an animal  
In the jungle where we play  
If you got a hunger for what you see  
You'll take it eventually  
You can have anything you want  
But you better not take it from me  
In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Watch it bring you to your knees, knees  
I wanna watch you bleed

Every now and then she'd pull over to check out a few places, but she always got the same answers.  It was either, "Nope, haven't seen him." Or "Girlie, you just described half of what the guys in LA look like!"  _ Arrgh!  It's only my first night, and I'm already getting aggravated!  I knew I wasn't going to find him right away.  Be patient!   _

She pulled up to another strip of bars.  She entered one called Cagney's. _ This might be a good place.  Reminds me of the Bronze._  She walked over to a middle-aged guy sitting at the bar.  "This seat taken?"

"Nope.  S'all yours, honey."

"Are you a regular here?"

"Sometimes.  I go all around."

"Maybe you can help me out.  I'm trying to locate a friend who recently moved to LA.  You might have seen him around."

"Got a picture or something?"

"No… he's….uh….. camera shy.  But he's kinda tall, bleached spikey hair, always in black, and has a British accent."

"Has an eyebrow ring and big black coat, too?"  
Buffy started to get excited.  "Yes!  Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, he comes here every now and then.  Hasn't been here in a while.  You might want to check Reno's a few miles down the strip.  I've seen him there too."

She had grin on her face.  "You've been a great help," she said, slapping a $10 dollar bill on the bar.  "Next round's on me!"

                                                            *****

When Buffy pulled up across the street from Reno's about 10 minutes later, uncertainty started to cloud her thoughts.  What if he was in there?  What would she say to him if he were there?  Would he even listen to her?  She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning her head on the steering wheel._  I'm not going to give up now.  _

"BLOODY HELL!  What did you have to do that for?"

Buffy's head snapped up.  That distinct voice (and curse heard so often) belonged to one person only… _Spike!  _

She looked out the window to see him standing outside of the bar. With a raven-haired woman hanging on his back.

"Because I felt like it," she replied, laughing.  She kissed him on the cheek and hopped off.  "Sing my song again?"

 "No!  You know the rule, only once a day.  And tonight, you got me to do it in public!  I shouldn't have to sing it for a week!"

She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted. "Pretty please?"

"Don't give me that look!" 

"PLEASE?"

Spike groaned.  He never won when she pouted.  "Fine!  But only when we get home.  I'm not singing like a poof on the streets of LA."

"Thank you, baby," she said, hugging him.

He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.  "You're an infuriating little bint, you do know that don't you?"

"Yes, William, and you love me for it."

He sighed and put his arm around her.  "I don't know what I'd do without you, luv."

Buffy could barely watch the playful scene outside Reno's.   Her eyes were too clouded by her tears.  She tried to catch her breath, but was unable to.  The pain in her chest was unbearable._  She calls him 'William'.  And he loves her.  He doesn't want me anymore.   _

She thought the pain was bad when she found out that he had left her.  This was 500 times worse.  She barely registered the song that was playing on the radio as she sped back to the motel.

_But now I hear you found somebody new  
and that I never meant that much to you  
To hear that tears me up inside  
And to see you cuts me like a knife_

I guess 

_Every rose has its thorn  
Just like every night has its dawn  
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song_

_Every rose has its thorn  
 _

End Part 5

TBC  
  
* _ 'Kay I lied.  Next part, Cecelia's history and the tattoo!  I already started it.... I got a little sidetracked because we just installed a brand new computer.  Sorry, I'm the short chapter queen!  LMAO  *_


	6. Cecelia

**Title:**               _Cecelia_

**Summary:**       _ Spike remembers how he met Cecelia._

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "__Normal__ Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  Lyrics to "Cecelia" by Simon and Garfunkel_

_Cecilia, you're breaking my heart _

_You're shaking my confidence daily _

_Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees _

_I'm begging you please to come home_

Present Day

"BLOODY HELL!  What did you have to do that for?"

"Because I felt like it," Cecelia replied, laughing.  She kissed him on the cheek and hopped off.  "Sing my song again?"

 "No!  You know the rule, only once a day.  And you got me to do it in public!  I shouldn't have to sing it for a week!"

She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted. "Pretty please?"

"Don't give me that look!" 

"PLEASE?"

Spike groaned.  He never won when she pouted.  "Fine!  But only when we get home.  I'm not singing like a poof on the streets of LA."

"Thank you, baby," she said, hugging him.

He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose.  "You're a infuriating little bint, you do know that don't you?"

"Yes, William, and you love me for it."

He sighed and put his arm around her.  "I don't know what I'd do without you, luv."

He really didn't.  She kept him sane these past weeks, dragging him out of his Buffy-induced depression.  He still couldn't believe how long he had known her…………

                                                            *****

New York, 1977 

It was a cool spring night.  There was a fair going on in Central Park.  People walked around, unaware of the creature of the night that blended in with them.  Spike wandered around, still basking in the glory of killing his second slayer two days ago.  He was on a roll, eating women, men, children; whatever he wanted, he took.  

_So many people, so little time, _he thought.  _Who's going to be the lucky victim tonight?  _He leaned up against the back of a game booth and lit up a cigarette.  

"Those will kill you, mister."

Spike looked to his right to see a little girl, about 10 years old standing next to him.  He took a long drag and said,  "Didn't your parents teach you it's dangerous to be out at night by yourself?"

"They're home.  I do what I want, when I want.  I wanted to go out, so I snuck out," she replied.  "And those will still kill you."

He raised an eyebrow.  "Pushy are we?  Well, I didn't want it anyway."  He said, flicking it away.  Then he crouched down so he was eye level with her.  "Actually, I'm hungry."

He morphed into his demon visage as he grabbed her around the waist.  Before he leaned in to bite her, she put her two small hands on his cheeks and looked into his eyes.

"There you are, William."

For the first time in his life, William the Bloody, a.k.a. Spike, a Master Vampire, was rendered speechless.  

"And you just killed a Slayer?  Bad William!"

Spike let go of the girl like she was a cross.  "Who in the bleedin' hell are you?"

"I'm Cecelia.  I see into people like you."

"How?  What do you mean?"

She sighed.  "When I was born, I was stillborn.  Somehow the doctors were able to revive me. Kind of like a miracle.  Ever since then, I've been smarter than other children.  And I can see people like you for what they really are, who you used to be."

"People like me?"

Cecelia was getting annoyed and put her hands on her hips.  "Demons, stupid!  Vampires, werewolves, witches, anything supernatural.  Do you always ask this many questions?"

Spike just sat down on the grass and started at this young girl that dared to talk to him like he was a child.  He thought for a minute.  "So… what do you see in me?"

She put her hands back on his cheeks and looked.  "William.  You came into your own many years ago, breaking away from a very strong and truly evil person."  She paused for a moment, looking confused.  "Something is going to happen to him that will change him in a drastic way.  I would need to look into him to see what that is.  Anyway, back to you.  You try to be evil and bad, but it's not in you to be bad.  It's more of a bad habit that needs to be broken.  And it will.  Forcibly broken, actually.  You were a good man when you were alive, and those qualities stayed with you throughout your unlife.  You also have a great amount of love in you.  This is unusual, not because you can love, but the strength of your love.  And loyal.  You are a very loyal and determined person.  You will come across much turbulence in your unlife, but not all will end favorably.  In the end, though, things will work out for your well being.  You will also come across a few people who will wind up becoming very close to you who will affect these outcomes.  Probably friends."  Cecelia stepped back and looked at him, head tilted.  "You are a very special vampire."

Spike tried to absorb all this.  "I'm not a good person, I'm evil!  And I don't have friends.  It's just me and Dru.  No one else.  And my name is Spike," he said, stubbornly.  

Cecelia smiled at him softly and sat down in his lap.  "I'm sure, William.  Please take me home," she said, putting her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder.  "I find myself very tired."

He held the little girl for a moment, just trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.  He wasn't sure about what she was saying, yet some of it sounded true.  He stood up.  "How do I get to your place?"

And William the Bloody made his first friend.

                                                            *****

1983

For the next 3 years, Spike stayed in NY.   He and Cecelia became great friends.  She lived in a corner apartment building in the village with her parents.  Her bedroom was by the fire escape, so Spike would always sneak in to see her after dark.  Or she would sneak out.  They were great for each other.    He helped her with her schoolwork.  Not that she needed it, but Spike liked to do it.  They learned to play guitar together.  She helped him out when he was down.  Being able to see into him helped her figure out what bothered him.  Since she was pretty good with demons because of her gift, she didn't need much of his protection.  So he guarded her from evil boyfriends.  He liked scaring humans.  And she was the only one who he allowed to call him "William."

One night, when she was about 16, Spike was wandering around NYC.  He and Dru had been bumming around the country all the while, but every few months they would return to the city.  Dru liked the upscale food on 5th Ave. and Spike got to check up on Cecelia.  This particular night, she was on a date.  And Spike didn't like when she went on dates.  He got all nervous and worried, almost like he was her dad.  So he sat on the fire escape and smoked until she came back.  About midnight, he heard a car pull around front of the apartment building. _ Good, she's finally home, he thought, relaxing.  He waited for about 10 minutes before he started to worry again.  __Where is she?  She knows I'm waiting for her; she usually rushes right up here to tell me how it went.  _

Then he heard the yelling.  "I said no!  Get off of me!"

Spike immediately vamped out and ran down the fire escape to the front of the building.  In the car parked out font, he could see struggling going on in the front seat.  Enraged, he opened the driver's side door, ripping it off the hinges.  He grabbed the guy by the neck and flung him on the hood of the car.  His grip was cutting off the teenager's air supply.  Cecelia stepped in.  "William, no, don't kill him.  I'm okay.  Look at me," she said grabbing his face so he would look at her.  "I'm okay.  Let him go." 

Face going back to normal, Spike grabbed her and held her to him.  She turned her head to her date.  "Go now, before I change my mind about him killing you."  

After a few minutes of just holding her, Spike pulled away.  "Are you sure you're okay.  Let me look at you."  Her shirt was torn and she had bruises on her upper arms where he had grabbed her.  And she was shaking.  "You should have let me kill him."

"I don't want to talk about it now.  I just want to get some sleep." 

After she got cleaned up and was safe in bed, Spike started to leave.

"William?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't go.  I'm… I'm scared."

He took off his duster and laid it over her desk chair.  Then he gathered her in his arms and sat on the bed.  "Don't worry, pet.  I'll never let that happen again." 

"Sing my song?" 

Spike smiled softly.

_Cecilia, you're breaking my heart   
You're shaking my confidence daily   
Oh, Cecilia, I'm down on my knees   
I'm begging you please to come home    
Come on home  
Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia   
Up in my bedroom (making love)   
I got up to wash my face   
When I come back to bed   
Someone's taken my place   
  
_

                                                                        *****

3 weeks ago

Spike and Cecelia kept in touch and visited each other until about 1997, when he and Dru left for Prague.  They lost touch after that, not on purpose.  Dru was attacked by a mob while in Prague and they wound up in Sunnydale.  And the rest is history.

It had been one week since the scene in the Bronze.  He spent the whole week cleaning out the crypt in preparation to head to L.A.  And now he was here.  What was he going to do?  Go see Angel?  Hell no!  Then he remembered.  _Cecelia went to UCLA years ago.  I wonder if she stayed in the area?_

He went to a phone booth and looked in the yellow pages that were chained to the bottom.  _Yes!!!  She stayed in L.A!  Time to go pay her a visit.  He wrote down her address and took off._

An hour later he was knocking on her apartment door.  When it opened, she just smiled at and gave him a hug.  "Welcome home, William."  Feeling him in the embrace she said, "Come in and tell me what's wrong."

Spike told her everything.  Angel/Angelus, Prague, Dru, the Gem of Amara, Glory, Dawn, Tara and Willow, Xander and Anya, The Initiative, Adam, his chippage, and Buffy.  Especially Buffy, since she was the reason he was there.  Everything that has happened between '97 and now, he told her.  It felt good to tell someone who actually cared what he felt.

"You know," he said, "You were right about everything.  That very first day I met you.  About Angel, about my chip, about me being more good than evil.  Everything."

"It's about time you realized that I'm always right," she said, jokingly.

"You are not always right, you silly old bint!"

"Who are you calling old?  I'm only 35, you've got to be nearing 150, buddy.  And it's nice to see you've regressed back to the '70's with that gear and the eyebrow ring.  Very retro."

"Shut up," he said, flinging a pillow at her.

Cecelia laughed at him merrily.  "I'm so glad you're back."  She paused, looking at him carefully.  "When did you get that," she asked, pointing at the tattoo on his bicep.  It was of a heart that was surrounded by flames and had a knife going through its middle.  

"Oh, that.  I got that after Buffy decided she didn't want to bother with me no more.  Sort of how I felt.  Like my heart was being ripped apart."  He looked at her sadly.  "I love her so much, C.  That's why I had to leave.  She was killing me."  He took off his shirt and turned his back to her.  "I got this one because of her too," he said.  The one on his back was just a plain yin-yang sign in black and white on the back of his shoulder.  "Darkness and light.  Me and her."

"Don't worry, baby," Cecelia said, gathering him in her arms.  "Remember what else I told you that day:  In the end, things will work out for you well being."

"I hope you're right, C."

_Jubilation,   
She loves me again,   
I fall on the floor and I laughing.  
Jubilation,   
She loves me again,   
I fall on the floor and I laughing.                                         _

                                                                        *****

Present day

Spike was brought out of his reflection by a car screeching away, down the street.

"God, they'll let anybody have a license in this day and age," Cecelia stated.

Spike was quite for a moment.  He had gotten a look in the window.  And he recognized Joyce's old car.  "That wasn't just anybody, pet," he said.

"Buffy's in L.A."

End Part 6

TBC

*  _So did I do good?  LOL  This part was a bit longer.  Sorry it took so long to update!  I'll try to update sooner this time!  Cheers!  :-)  *_


	7. The Song Stays the Same

**Title:**               The Song Stays the Same

**Summary:**       _Does Buffy confront Spike?  Not just yet.  Then what the hell is going on?_

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "__Normal__ Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_R, for language._

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play.  Lyrics to "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns 'N Roses; Lyrics to "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd_

Buffy's mind was working overtime.  She was standing just outside of Reno's, looking at the big double door entrance.  Seeing Spike last night was a shock.  Did he really move on already?  _I haven't even talked to him yet.  I could be mistaken.  I probably just overreacted a little.  They did seem awfully cuddly though.  She decided there was only one way to find out the truth.  Sit at the bar and wait to see if he showed up so she could talk to him.  But why was she so worried about it?  She didn't love him……_

_You felt something last night._

_Not love._

_Not yet._

…… did she?  She didn't know.  But if she didn't love him, then why did she react the way she did when she found out the left?  Why did she follow him to LA?  And why was she so worried that he didn't love her anymore?  She hadn't really felt in such a long time.  Over the past few months, all she felt was hurt and anger.  She didn't know anything else.  Except for those times when she was with Spike.  He made her feel…. all these other emotions and feelings that she couldn't decipher and didn't know how to express anymore.  She didn't understand what was going on.   

She shook her head as if that would clear her mind.  _Nothing's gonna get accomplished if I stand out here and dwell on it all night, Buffy thought.  She took a deep breath and went inside.  _

She took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink.  "Shot of tequila and an amaretto on the rocks."  The shot was to calm her nerves.  The amaretto was just for fun. 

Buffy scanned the bar.  It was a nice looking place, with booths and tables surrounding a dance floor.  There was also a stage set up for bands or karaoke.  Everything was in black with purple trimmings.  Even the bar had purple neon lights outlining it.  What she noticed the most, though, was the blond haired vampire already there with the black haired lady.  So much for waiting to see if he shows up, she thought wryly.    

They were seated in a booth by the side of the stage, far enough away so that Buffy hide by the bar without them noticing her.  The girl was setting up three shot glasses in front of each of them.  _What are they doing, she thought.  __Playing drinking games??   The girl poured something, possibly Vodka since it was clear, folded her arms, and sat back against her seat._

                                                            *****

"Okay, guy," Cecelia said.  "Whoever finishes their shots first wins."

"And the loser," Spike asked.

"The loser has to go sing in front of the entire bar."

"Fucking karaoke again?  That singing shit always gets me in trouble!"

"What's the matter, William?  'Fraid you're gonna lose," she teased.

"Hey, no one can drink this Big Bad under the table!  Let's go!"

"On three…. Ready?  One, Two…. Three!"

Buffy watched with amazement as Cecelia proceeded to finish her shots faster than Spike.  _How the hell did she do that?_

"How the hell did you do that," Spike asked, bewildered.  "Me, vampire.  You, human.  That's just….. not possible.  Super speed an' all."

"I've had lots of practice.  I did go to bars quite a bit before you showed up, ya know," she replied with a twinkle in her eye.  "Now go sing!"

"Bloody hell," he muttered, grinning to himself as he headed towards the stage.

                                                            *****

"Uh… Evenin' ladies and gents.  The name's Spike.  I just lost a bet and getting up here and signin' in front of the lot of you is my punishment."

The crowd started to laugh at him.  He grinned.  Getting up on stage was actually no problem for him at all.  He had a great voice and loved to show off.  Performing was fun.

"Anyways, this song is going out to a very special lady in the corner over there.  Helping me get through a pretty tough time.  So, Cecelia Lantham," he said, punching in some numbers on the machine, "this is for you."

 _She's got a smile that it seems to me_

_Reminds me of childhood memories_

_Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky_

_Now and then when I see her face_

_She takes me away to that special place_

_And if I stared too long, I'd probably break down and cry_

_Whoa Whoa Whoa Sweet child o' mine_

_Oh Oh Oh Oh Sweet love of mine_

_She's got eyes of the bluest skies_

_And if they thought of rain_

_I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain_

_Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place_

_Where as a child I'd hide_

_And pray for the thunder and the rain_

_To quietly pass me by_

_Whoa Whoa Whoa Sweet child o' mine_

_Oh Oh Oh Oh Sweet love of mine _

_Where do we go?_

_Where do we go now_

_Where do we go_

_Sweet child o' mine_

                                                            *****

"Miss, are you okay?"

Buffy looked at the bartender like he had two heads.  "What?"

"Your hands.  Are you cut?"

She looked down.  She had gripped the glass so hard while she was focusing on Spike that it had broken.  _Not having luck with glasses am I, she thought.  Laying the pieces on the bar, she said, "Oh.  No, I'm okay.  Sorry 'bout the glass."_

"No big deal.  Let me get you some napkins."

 She looked back at Spike.  So it was true then.  He didn't love her anymore.

                                                            *****

As he finished up the song, Spike's hearing picked up a sound, something like glass breaking by the bar.  _Christ, don't tell me my singing started a damn bar fight, he thought. __I'm not a bad singer!_

When he looked up, he froze.  He watched as Buffy tried to clean up the mess she made.  _I guess I wasn't hallucinating last night.   Then the hurt and anger came.  __She wanted me to go; she wanted me to leave her alone!  What the hell does she want from me? _

"Hey everybody," Spike said to the crowd.  "I've got one more song to sing and it's for another very special lady."

He punched in some more numbers on the machine.  "Let's just see if this helps her hurry back to Sunnyhell," he muttered to himself.  

_Met a girl, thought she was grand  
Fell in love, found out first hand  
Went well for a week or two  
Then it all came unglued  
In a trapped trip I can't grip  
Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip  
Then I started to realize  
I was living one big lie  
She fucking hates me… Trust  
She fucking hates me…la la la la  
I tried too hard  
And she tore my feelings like I had none  
And ripped them away  
She was queen for about an hour  
After that shit got sour  
She took all I ever had  
No sign of guilt  
No feeling of bad, no  
In a trapped trip I can't grip  
Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip  
Then I started to realize  
I was living one big lie  
That's my story, as you see  
Learned my lesson and so did she  
Now it's over and I'm glad  
'Cause I'm a fool for all I've said  
la la la la la la la la la la  
Trust  
la la la la la la la la la la  
Trust  
And she tore my feelings like I had none  
She fucking hates me_

Buffy's head whipped up to see Spike staring right at her as he sang.  Again.  How could he say such horrible things about her?  Did he really think of her that way?  Was she really that heartless and cruel?  She was, wasn't she?  Always physically abusing him.  That probably wasn't half as bad as the verbal abuse, though.  When it came to words, she could be downright evil.

She tried to yell out that she didn't hate him.  That she was sorry for ever hurting him.  That she wanted him to come back to Sunnydale.  But she couldn't get the words out.  All that came out was a pathetic little squeak.  Once again she felt that now familiar pain in her chest.  She slowly turned and walked out.  

_Who's love's bitch now, she thought as a single tear slid down her cheek._

                                                            *****

"She was here, William."  It wasn't a question.  

Spike sighed as he slipped back into his and Cecelia's booth.  "Yeah."

"And why did you do that to her?"

"Why?  Because even though I love her with all I've got, I want her to hurt like I hurt.  I know it's wrong, but I can't help it."

"That's cruel and selfish, William.  She's obviously in LA for a reason.  Like maybe to talk to you?"

"For what?  To tell me she loves me, finally?  Ha!" he said bitterly.  "She was probably looking for some cold comfort and after she got it, she'd go right back to treating me like shit."

"And she traveled all this way just for sex?  I don't think so."

"I don't care anymore."  He slammed his hand on the table.  "I was doing just fine by my damn self!"

Cecelia laughed softly.  "'Doing just fine'?  I don't think so.  Keep in mind who you're talking to.  I can see things remember? You've been miserable almost the whole time you've been here." 

Spike put his head down on the table, defeated.  "God, Cecelia, she's just hurt me so much.  I can't take more of it.  I can't let her back in."  He sighed.  "Hopefully she's on her way back to Sunnydale now."

Cecelia had a funny feeling things weren't quite over yet.  She put her hand on his head and smiled gently.  _Oh William, she thought.  __What if she's finally let you in? _

End Part 7

TBC

_*  Sorry__ it took so long to update.  Had a lot of schoolwork to do.  Anyway, I'm thinking maybe 3 more parts then I'm done!  Then what am I going to do?  LOL  *_


	8. Mexican Hat Dances and Telephone Convers...

**Title:**               _The Mexican Hat Dance and Telephone Conversations_

**Summary:**       _Buffy gets some sense talked into her—Again._

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "__Normal__ Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play._

She awoke to the Mexican Hat Dance playing in her head.  No, she wasn't hung over despite how terrible last night was.  Her cell phone that was lying on the bedside table was going off.

" 'ello," she mumbled sleepily.

"Buffy!  It's been two days and you haven't called yet!"

Willow.  Shit.  She knew she forgot to do something when she got to LA.

"Sorry, Will.  It's been kind crazy the past 2 days."

"So??  Any luck with the Spike hunting yet?"

Buffy sighed.  "I'll explain it all when I get home tonight."

"'Home tonight'" another voice chimed in.  Anya.  "Did you find Spike?"

"And is he coming home with you?"  That was Dawn.

"Yes, found him in a bar.  Big surprise there.  And no, he's not coming with me."  She paused for a second.  "Wait a minute.  Am I on speaker phone??"

"Yep," other two voices spoke up.  Xander and Tara.

"Well," Dawn said impatiently.  "Why isn't he coming home?" 

"It's a long story.  I'll explain when I get in."

"Buffy," Tara said sternly.  "Tell us now, before you wind up making another mistake."

She sighed yet again.  "Do I have to?"

"Yes," all five of them chorused.

"Or we'll tie you up and drag you back to LA ourselves," Willow stated firmly.  Buffy could almost see her ending the sentence with a sharp nod of her head.

It was going to be a long morning.

                                                            *****

"…. And then he sang that awful song that basically said that I was a heartless bitch. He hates me and doesn't want me any longer," Buffy finished up.

"Okay, so explain to me one more time why you're coming home again," Willow asked.

"Gah!  What part of 'he has someone else and doesn't love me anymore' do you not understand?"  

"I understand," Xander agreed.

Everyone turned to look at him.  "Well I mean, he's not obsessed anymore.  Good thing, right….What?"  He started to squirm as he got four sets of evil glares. 

 "Xander," Anya whispered.  "We are supposed to be supportive!"

"Hey Xand," Dawn said.  "Come here for a second."

He went over to Dawn and she leaned over to whisper something in his ear.  "Naked push-ups," she said with a wicked grin.

"Oh god," he said as he covered his mouth and ran to the bathroom.  After Spike left and Buffy got depressed, he had put two and two together about certain things.  The results were not good.

"Dawn, that was mean," scolded Anya.  "I know he needs to lose weight before the wedding, but come on!"  Dawn just giggled.

 "Listen," Tara stated, giving her attention back to Buffy.  "We're going to go through this one more time.  I don't care what you saw.  He. Loves. You. Period. End of story."

"But—"

"No buts.  He's done everything for you.  Got thrown off a tower.  Got beat almost to death by Glory.  He fought along side us all summer all because you asked him to protect Dawn.  And he stayed even though you were gone."

"When he saw your body, he cried.  I've never seen a vampire cry before," Anya added.

"Sometimes he used to sit by your grave.  He didn't do anything.  Just sit hours upon hours," Dawn said softly.

Willow added one more thing.  "He was going to stake Drusilla for you.  His love.  He loved her for over a hundred years.  He'll love you for two hundred."  

Buffy didn't know what to say.  Could he still love her?  But what about what she had seen and heard?  She was so confused.

"What about all that's happened the past two days?  How do you explain all that?"

"You haven't even talked to the guy yet," Anya put in.  "You don't know if what you've seen is true or not!  It's inadequate evidence."

"But he promised he'd never leave Dawn and me and he did!  He left!"

Willow was getting frustrated. "Buffy, do you remember what happened with Acathla," she asked.  "You and your mom had that fight, and then you had to kill Angel to save the world.  You were hurting to much inside.  What did you do?"

She closed her eyes at the memory and had to swallow a few times before she could answer.  "I ran away."

"Spike is hurting right now.  He's been hurting for god knows how long.  When he couldn't take it anymore what did he do?"

"He- - - he ran away, too."

"Now, are you going to run away again and come back home, or are you going to stay, talk to Spike and find out what the hell is going on?"

Something finally clicked inside of Buffy.  Her friends –well excluding Xander—liked Spike.  A lot.  He was a friend to them, too.  And they weren't disgusted by her being with him.  They wanted her with him.  She remembered all the times she had played out in her head how they would react if they ever found out.  There was no disgust or anger or revulsion like she thought.  Just support.  She felt like the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders.

"I'm going to stay," she said with new determination.  "You guys are right.  I haven't found out anything worthwhile yet!"

She laughed as she heard them cheer over the phone.  "And don't you come back without Spike," Tara yelled.

"Okay, calm down," Buffy said.  "Willow, I need one thing, though."

"Anything!  What can I do for you?"

"Could you hop on the internet and look up an address in LA for me?  Name:  Cecelia Lantham……"  

End Part 8

_*  Sorry__ I'm taking so long between updates.  Term papers are a bitch!!  Taking away from my writing time!  LOL  *_


	9. Food and Liquor

**Title:**               _Food and Liquor _

**Summary:**       _Spike's turn to do some thinking about the past 2 days……_

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "__Normal__ Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play._

"Come on!  Please?"

"I still don't get why you eat regular food, you know."

"I get in the mood for it sometimes.  I'm an unusual case, you know that.  Special like."

"Yeah, special ed."

"Hey!  Some of the stuff tastes good!  Especially dumplings and pork fried rice," Spike said, rubbing his stomach.  "Yumm."

"Freak," Cecelia said, poking him in the side.  "Make it vegetable fried rice and you got a deal, mister." 

"Oy!  Ticklish vamp, stop that," he yelped.

"Oh, stop at the liquor store.  I don't feel like going out tonight."

"Want anything special?"

"Nah.  Anything shot-worthy.  We can pop in some episodes of 'Friends' and play a game.  You know, do a shot every time Joey says 'How you doin'?' "

"'Friends'?  Can't we watch something better?"

"What like 'Passions'?"

"Hey!  That's high quality programming!"

Cecelia snorted.  "I will not dignify that with an answer!  Now go!  I'm getting hungry!"

"Yes, Drill Sergeant," Spike replied with a salute and a wink.  He disappeared out the door.

                                                            *****

Half an hour?  Since when did it take half an hour to stuff some food in a little carton?  _That's it.  Next time we call ahead, Spike thought as he walked across the street to the liquor store.  He didn't like waiting.  His mind had a tendency to wander.  Mostly to Buffy, but also to everything else that's gone wrong in his life.  And with the events of the past few days, his mind was basically all jumbled.  He took a bottle of Jack Daniel's off the shelf and took a swig._

"Hey mister!  You better pay for that!"

Spike just flipped off the cashier and kept shopping.  And thinking.  

Why did the Powers That Be love to torture him?  His life was always a mess, ever since the 1800's, starting with that bitch Cecily.  But ever since he got to Sunnydale, his life has been a living nightmare. {{grabs a bottle of Absolut and puts it in the basket}} Spike snorted and took another drink of J.D.  _I thought I was supposed to go to hell after I got staked, he thought.  _

He felt like he was caught in a bad dream that wouldn't end.  Dru leaving him was a nightmare in itself.  {{bottle of Kahlua}}   He could finally have seen his first sunrise in over 120 years with the Gem of Amara, but no.  {{bottle of red wine, Manischewiz}}  He got captured by the Initiative and got that goddman chip in put in his head.  {{bottle of Tequila}}  Then there's Buffy.  He's supposed to kill her (which he failed at), not love her.  She dies.  She comes back.   She shows him some sort of affection and then rips it away. {{bottle of Bailey's Irish Crème}} Time and time again she insists that she despises him and wants him gone.  They get in yet another fight, and he finally gets the balls to leave.   {{bottle of Southern Comfort}}  And what happens?  She comes to fucking LA.  Why?   

 He finished off the bottle of J.D. with one long swallow.  Spike finally came to the conclusion that she was here to see the poof.  He had no other explanation for why she would be here.  Cecelia insisted that she was here for him, but Spike would hear none of it.    

Next stop:  Denial City, Population:  Spike.    Didn't want to get his hopes up.

He sighed and headed over to the cashier.  Great.  He worked himself up into a nice bad mood now.  Well, at least he had plenty of alcohol.  He grabbed some limes and whipped cream from the refrigerator in the front.    

"Two packs of Winstons.  And yes, I'm paying for this," he said, dropping the empty bottle on floor, breaking it.

"Asshole," the cashier mumbled.  Spike just growled.  He paid and left the store.  Time to go pick up the food so he could finally go home and get thoroughly intoxicated.

                                                            *****

"Luv, I'm back," he called out when he got home.

"We're in the living room," came the reply.

"Tonight I'm going to teach you how to do a Blowjob right and proper," he said, unpacking everything on the dining room table.  "Got all the right ingredients."  

He grabbed the bottle of wine and headed towards the living room.  "I bought a bottle of wine for dinner.  Manischewiz.  It's sweet, so I thought you'd like it.  They had it in white and red, but I picked the red, of course.  Almost blood like."  He paused for a second.  "Wait… did you say 'we'?  Please tell me you didn't pick up another stray cat.  You know how those things hate me."

He heard Cecelia laugh.  "No it's not a stray cat."

"Good!  My unlife is safe and sound," he said with a grin, entering the living room.

His smile faded as he saw who was there.  The bottle slipped out of his hand and crashed to the floor.

"William, we have company," Cecelia said.

End Part 9

TBC

_*  Hmmm… I wonder who it is…  LOL  ; -  ) *_

.


	10. Is Anyone in Control Here?

**Title:**               _ Is Anyone in Control Here??_

**Summary:**       _Uh oh…  Confrontation time… All hell just might break loose….._

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "__Normal__ Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play._

A few minutes earlier

_Well, here I am, Buffy thought.  __Here goes nothing.  She knocked on the door._

"Be right there," Cecelia called out.  She wasn't expecting anyone tonight, so she was wondering who it could be.  She opened the door to see a young woman on the other side.  She smiled.  "You must be Buffy.  William has said much about you."

_Why does that worry me, Buffy thought.  "Yeah….  Um… Is he around?  I need to talk to him."_

"He stepped out to pick up a few things, but he should be back any minute.  Come in."

                                                            *****

"Luv, I'm back," she heard Spike call.

"We're in the living room," Cecelia replied.

"Tonight I'm going to teach you how to do a Blowjob right and proper," Buffy heard him say.  She stiffened and tried to control the urge to tell the girl sitting in front of her that _she didn't need instructions.  _

"Got all the right ingredients," he continued to say.   _Ingredients? What the hell is going on here?  9 and ½ Weeks?_

Cecelia looked at Buffy from the corner of her eye.  She swore she just heard the small blonde girl growl…..  _She's jealous?  Why is she…..  Her eyes widened as realization hit her.  __Oh my.  She thinks William and me…  She bit the inside of her lip to keep a giggle from escaping._

"And I bought a bottle of wine for dinner.  Manischewiz.  It's sweet, so I thought you'd like it.  They had it in white and red, but I picked the red, of course.  Almost blood like."  He paused for a second.  "Wait… did you say 'we'?  Please tell me you didn't pick up another stray cat.  You know how those things hate me." 

 Cecelia finally had to laugh.  "No it's not a stray cat."

"Good!  My unlife is safe and sound," he said with a grin, entering the living room.

His smile faded as he saw Buffy.  The bottle slipped out of his hand and crashed to the floor.

"William, we have company," Cecelia said, a smile still on her face.

Spike rubbed his temples with his fingertips.  _Why won't she let me get on without her?  Why is she insisting on making my life miserable?  "What do you want," he said rudely._

"We need to talk."

"I don't have anything to say to you."

"Fine.  I'll talk, you listen."

He silently crossed him arms.  Buffy took a deep breath.  "I know you're not going to believe me at first…."  She trailed off as she watched him turn around and walk back to the dining room.  Continuing her speech, she followed him.  "But this is very hard for me to say.  I've come to realize a few things over the past few weeks.  It's taking a lot for me to admit that I might have been wrong about several things and people…." Buffy paused again as Spike grabbed the bottle of Southern Comfort and walked back into the living room.  She was starting to get annoyed.  "And with the help of my friends and family," she said following him again, "I've come to learn some things about myself…  God, Spike," she exclaimed as he plopped down on the couch looking bored.  "Will you please listen to me when I'm talking to you?!"  

"Why should I," he said coldly, "when you never listened to me?  Not once did you ever want to hear me out."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, most recently, there was this little incident dealing with some Suvolte demon eggs.  Instead of letting me explain, you and Cardboard proceed to beat on me and blow up my home.  That jog your memory?"

"I'm listening now," she said quietly.

"It's a little fucking late for that."  He turned on the TV.  "We're done here.  You can leave now."

Wait a minute.  He was _dismissing her??  Big mistake.  She wasn't annoyed anymore.  Now she was downright angry._

"We are not even close to being done," Buffy said striding over to the TV and shutting it off.  "While were getting on each other's faults, what happened to 'I'll never leave you' huh?"

"I changed my mind," he said frostily.

"Oh yeah?  What about Dawn?  What about protecting her till the end of the world?"

"Why does she need me when she's got the biggest bitch in the world for an older sister?"

Ignoring that comment, she took a deep breath to try and calm herself.  "Spike, I didn't come here to fight."

He snorted.  "That's a first."

"Why do you have to be such an insensitive prick all the damn time?"

"This is why I left in the first place.  Prick.  Demon.  Soulless monster.  To get away from you and your insults.  Why are you even here," Spike said, getting up.  "No more good vamps to screw in Sunnydale?"

That was the final straw.  Buffy had enough.  She drew back her arm to slap him, but a small, strong hand around her wrist stopped her.

They both turned to look at Cecelia.  They had completely forgotten about her in their ranting and ravings.  And she was pissed.

"Let go of me," she said through her teeth.

Ignoring her, Cecelia turned to Spike.  "William, you deserved that slap.  You are being uncooperative and rude. And you," she said turning to Buffy, "I will have no violence here."

"Cecelia, this has nothing to do with you," he said.

"Excuse you?  EXCUSE YOU," she said, voice raised.  "This is my apartment.  I am letting you stay here.  I have been your shoulder to cry on.  I've been nothing but supportive to you and this is how you repay me?  By starting a brawl in my house and saying it has nothing to do with me?"  She was livid.  At least Buffy had the courtesy to look ashamed.  "Now, William," she said lowering her voice, "Go to your room.  I'll be there in a few minutes to speak to you."

"Cecelia, I am not a child—"

"_Now."_

He turned and left.  Buffy couldn't believe that this woman, who wasn't much bigger than herself, just sent William the Bloody to his room.  If she wasn't so angry, she'd laugh.

"Okay," she said, releasing her death grip on Buffy's wrist, "You.  Sit."  She sat immediately.  For some reason, she didn't think it was wise to mess with Cecelia.  

"First thing's first.  I've heard quite a few stories about you and my William.  If you ever raise your hands at him in anger again, I will kill you myself.  Is that understood?"

Buffy just stared at her with a look of disbelief on her face.  

"I take that as a yes?"  She nodded.

"Good.  Now, my dear.   Let's chat."

End Part 10

TBC

_*  Ugh.  The first version I wrote of this chapter didn't sit right with me, so I did a rewrite.  Hope its okay!  *_


	11. Revelations and Explanations

**Title:**               _ Revelations and Explanations_

**Summary:       **_Cecelia takes charge!  ___

**Spoilers:**         _Post "As You Were"; "Hell's Bells" and "__Normal__ Again" didn't happen and won't._

**Pairing:**           _Who do you think? _

**Rating:            **_PG-13_

**Disclaimer:**     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play._

Author's Note:  Sorry about the lack of updates!  It's the end of the semester.  Term papers and finals galore!  Ugh!  They kind of took time away from my fun writing and made my fanfic muse all sleepy LOL.  But I'm up and running again!  Thanks for all the reviews; they really help! 

A/N 2:   I'm glad everyone likes Cecelia!  : - )  This part kind of revolves around her.  Just remember she and Spike arethisclose!!!  So she knows all about him.  And I know I've been making with the alcohol references lately.  If I can't party, at least the people in my stories can!  LOL

"Let's chat," Cecelia said.

Buffy was wary.  She didn't expect to get into an argument with Spike.  Well, not right away, at least.  But she certainly didn't expect to get a talking to from whoever this woman was…. Girlfriend?  Lover?  Significant Other? What?

"So tell me," she continued, "Why are you here?  That never got cleared that up."

"You know," Buffy said, jumping up off the couch and heading for the door, "this was a bad idea.  I shouldn't have come here.  I'll just leave the both of you alone now—"

"Stop.  Turn.  Sit," Cecelia said, politely but in a voice that stated 'I'm already aggravated; don't make it worse.'  "Don't worry, I don't bite," she said with a grin.  "That's not my department."

Buffy sat back down.  This was bad.  She didn't know what to think.  Demons, vampires, even hell gods she could deal with.  But Cecelia had seemed nice.  Aside from threatening her earlier, of course.  But for some reason, she was making her very nervous.    

"Listen, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking that William and I have a thing right?"  She nodded.  Okay, now she was giving Buffy the wiggins.  Creep factor 1:  First, she sent Spike to his room and he went.  Spike didn't listen to anyone.  Creep factor 2:  Now she's getting into her thoughts.  This was weird.  Before Cecelia could continue talking, she blurted out, "Who are you?  Are you a witch or something?"

"Excuse me?"  

"Well, you have this 'all knowing, powerful Wizard of Oz, don't mess with me' vibe coming off of you.  What's going on?"

Cecelia got up and started to walk away.  "Where are you going," Buffy asked.

"To get us a few drinks.  It looks like it's going to be a long night."

She came back with a bottle and two glasses and started pouring.  "Okay, it was 1977 and I was about 10 years old…."

                                                            *****

Spike was in his room nursing the bottle of Southern Comfort.  

_What the hell is it with me and women?  Why do I always choose the craziest, strongest, most stubborn girls to love? His mind drifted to Dawn for a minute.  He hadn't thought of her lately, and he realized now how much he really missed her.   __I'm lucky Nibblet isn't here otherwise I'd really be done for.  He chuckled.  __She would try to kill me first for leaving and then probably be hysterical in m y arms because she missed me.  My bit.  __ Sobering, he thought to the current situation.  Cecelia.  She grew up into such a fine woman.  He used to feel like a father figure to her, but as she got older, it became more of a big brother type of love.  Actually, she seemed to be taking care of him lately, listening to his troubles.  Like a mom.  Spike groaned and put his head in his hands.  __I can't believe she sent me to my room……and I went!!  Why can't I stick up for myself?  Because you're turning into a great big, whipped poof.  He snorted.  Yep.  That's what the Big Bad had become.  A huge poof.  He thought he was doing well in sticking to his guns with trying to keep Buffy away…… wasn't he?  __Buffy… I do love Buffy; I just can't deal with her denying me and lying to me anymore.   He took a long drink and thought of the two girls inside.  __ Fucking women.  They'll be the death of me yet.  He lay down on his bed and closed his eyes.  __And I hope they don't try to kill each other……_

                                                            *****

"No!  You're not serious."

"Yes I am! In '94 at the premiere of Pulp Fiction in LA, he wanted to turn Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Walken.  Said they'd make wicked vampires.  I said that Jackson would kick his ass.  He didn't appreciate that."

Buffy giggled.  "What?  No John Travolta?"

"No.  He just wanted to eat him for even thinking of making Staying Alive.  I said no because I thought he was cute."  

Both women looked at each other and were overwhelmed by a fit of laughing.  After calming down, Buffy got serious again.  After hearing Spike and Cecelia's history (and relieved that they weren't a couple), there was just one thing left bothering her.  "What about Drusilla?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, until the whole Prague deal, I thought Dru never left his side.  How did she let him be alone with you?  Without killing you or anything?"

"Dru didn't let me or him do anything.  We did what we wanted when we wanted.  Don't get me wrong; William loved Dru very much.  But she got bored very easily.  Especially since he wouldn't let her eat me."

"Oh."

"So she'd go off and do her own thing and we'd do ours.  And he never left her alone with me and she was never invited into my home.  As much as he loved her, so was his desire to make sure I was safe."

"He protected you from her."

"Yes.  He tried to protect me from anything that could hurt me.  Like boyfriends," she said with a laugh.  "Just like a big brother from hell.  Literally."

"Like he does for Dawn," Buffy said softly.

Cecelia looked at her.  "And just like he'd do for you or any of your friends.  He cares about them.  All of them."

"But what if he gets the chip out?  He'll just try to kill us all again."

"And you truly believe that?"

"Yes," Buffy replied without conviction.

"Then you are nothing more than a stupid girl," Cecelia replied crossly.  "If he really wanted to kill you, he would have.  Four years ago.  He never did because you intrigued him from the start.  You were different than the others.  The chip?  It's just an excuse.  Do you really think he couldn't have found a way to kill you all with it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Think about it.  He could have easily saved himself a whole ton of pain and suffering by just telling Glory about Dawn.  He didn't.  Not to mention that he doesn't seem to have any problems lighting cigarettes.  What makes you think he couldn't light something more dangerous?  Arson can be very destructive.  And even though they hate him now, the demon world still fears him.  He's a master vampire who spends his time beating up other nasties.  If he wanted, he could have hired anyone to go after you and your buddies.  Get my drift?"

Buffy stared at her like she had three heads.  She was right.  Spike could have done any of those things and yet he never did.  Dawn was right.  Love was brains and emotions.  He did love her, loved all of them.  God, why did everything have to be so complicated? 

Cecelia felt the confusion radiating off of her.  "Listen, Buffy," she said, softening her voice, but keeping it firm.  "He's hurt you and you've hurt him.  There's nothing that can be done about that.  Now he has done nothing but love you and all you did was throw it back in his face.  He's trying to move on and you show up to throw him for a loop again.  If you've come to just hurt him again, I'd just rather you leave.  So tell me, why are you here?"  She saw the answer in Buffy's eyes before she heard the words come out of her mouth.

"Because I love him," she finally admitted softly.

TBC

End Part 11


	12. Moment of Truth

**Title:_Moment of Truth_******

**Summary:_Everything goes kablooey_****.**

**Spoilers:         _Post "As You Were"; goes off on a tangent from there!_****  
Pairing:_Who do you think?  B/S!_**

**Rating:            _PG-13, I guess._**

**Disclaimer:     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play._**

_That's it.  Not mixing JD and SoCo again, thought Spike when he woke up.  His head was pounding and there was this god-awful noise coming from the living room that was not helping his situation.  Sounded like a bad Mariachi band or something from a Speedy Gonzalez cartoon.  Thankfully, it stopped after an agonizing minute.  He sat up and shook his head to try and clear it from its alcohol induced fog.  In mid-shake, he noti8ced a body cocooned under the covers next to him.  Spike smiled softly.  When she was younger, Cecelia used to beg him to stay with her whenever she was upset over something.  Having to deal with him and Buffy last night probably did a number on her.  __Some things never change, he thought.  Just as he was going to gather Cecelia up to bring her to her own room, that irritating noise started up again.  Fine.  She could wait.  He was going to find what was making that noise and kill it.  Painfully._

He padded into the living room and found the offending member on the couch.  A cell phone.  He answered it grumpily.  "Yeah, what?"

"Jeeze, Buffy, I've only been calling for like a half an hour!  What took you so…. Wait.  Buffy's not a man with a British accent."

"Good answer, Captain Obvious."

"Spike?"

" 'ello Red."

He cringed as he heard a screech in the background.  "Spike?  That's Spike on the phone?  You tell that bastard to get his ass back home now!"

"Dawnie!  Watch the language!"  
Spike laughed to himself.  Well, he was right about one thing.  Dawn was definitely pissed off.

"And Xander is waiting to take you to school, so git!"

"Fine," Dawn replied, grumbling.  "But you make sure he gets my message!"

"Uh, no need to relay, Red.  I heard her just fine.  I figured she'd be upset with me," Spike said.

"She just misses you, that's all.  We all do."

"Even Xander?"

"Even Xander.  We girls outnumber him, and he has no one to argue with."

"The whelp misses me," he said, leaning against the bedroom doorway.  "Now isn't that special."

There was an awkward silence for a minute.  "So… uh… is Buffy there," Willow asked.

"Actually, no," Spike answered as he watched the sheet on his bed start to rustle.  "But unfortunately, she'll be back when she realizes…" he trailed off as the person on his bed sat up.  "Willow, I'll call you back."  *click*  

"Spike, what's wrong?  Hello?  Spike?"  But there was only a dial tone.  _Okay, that was odd, she thought.  __Something's up._

He stormed across the apartment to the other bedroom.  Opening the door, he saw Cecelia sound asleep on her bed.

"Bloody fucking hell."

Cecelia smiled as she heard the door close and put her extra pillow over her head.  She had a feeling this was going to get loud, and she wanted to grab a few more hours of sleep.  Head _for the hills, ladies and gents, she thought.  __This might get ugly._

"Get out."

"And good morning to you too," Buffy replied.

"Good morning.  Now get out."

"Are you always this rude in the morning?"

"Why are you in my bed," Spike asked, ignoring her question.

"I was sleeping."

"Why didn't you leave?"

"Too tired to drive.  I'm bad enough at that as it is."

"We have a couch."

"It's lumpy."

"You could have slept in Cecelia's bed."

"She's sleeping there."  Spike could hear the "duh" in her voice.  He sighed.  "Get out," he repeated.

"Not until we talk."

"There is nothing to talk about!"

"Spike, listen to me—"

"No, you listen to me," he interrupted, angrily.  "For almost 2 years now, I've done nothing but help you.  Time and time again, I've killed my own kind and gotten you and your gang out of tight spots.  What do I get for it?  I've been shunned by the vampire world, beaten up by numerous demons and a hell-god—and let's not forget the occasional ass kicking and insults by you and your Scooby friends.

"I loved you, Buffy.  With all of my being, whether you believed it or not.  I know it didn't always come out right, but I was a vampire trying to figure out why and how to love a human.  I needed to learn how.  And all I got in return was laughed at, ridiculed, and kicked when I was down—all by you!  I've had enough of that life!  So I'm telling you one more time.  Go away and leave me be!"

Buffy sat on the bed, letting his words sink in.  Head bowed, she put on her shoes and tried to keep the tears from coming.  She wasn't going to argue with him this time; she wasn't going to try to sweet talk him or persuade him to come home.  He was right.  She had done nothing but act miserable to him when most of the time all he tried to do was help and be there for her and her friends.  And now it was too late for her to try to make it up to him.  She had been cruel to him one too many times.

Buffy took a deep breath and stood up.  "Fine, I'll leave."  As she walked out of the room, she paused only for a moment to say one last thing.  She had to at least tell him the truth.  "I know it's too little, too late, Spike," she said sadly, "but I love you.  I have for a long time; I just never wanted to admit it."

Before she could even finish what she was saying, Buffy found herself pinned against the wall with a hand around her throat.  She glanced up to see a very angry, very vamped-out Spike snarling down at her.  "Why do you continue to play with my emotions," he practically shouted.

"I'm not playing, Spike," she said, calmly.  "I. Love. You."  She pronounced each word carefully.

"STOP!  Stop lying to me," he said, giving her a shake.

Now Buffy was getting angry.  "I am not lying!  After you left, I didn't know what to do!  I was virtually in shambles!  My life was a mess all because you left me!  You know the saying 'You don't know what you've got until it's gone', Spike?  Well, it's true."  He just looked down at her, still not believing.  "What is it going to take for you to believe me?  Why else would I have come all the way to L.A., huh?  And everyone knows about us!  Dawn, Willow, Tara, Anya, and Xander.  Yes, Xander."  She lowered her voice and brought her hands up to cup his demon face.  "Spike, I love you.  Not Angel, not Riley.  You."  Then she slowly drew his snarling face down for a kiss.  

When they parted, Spike's face was back to normal, and he laid his cheek against her forehead.  "You're not lying to me, and I'm not dreaming.  You really love me," he asked her, his voice full of emotion.

"With all my heart, William."

"God, Buffy, I love you so much."

The tender moment was broken by an annoyed voice from across the apartment.  "Good, you both love each other.  Now shut up and go back to sleep!  Some people need their rest!"

"Sorry, Cecelia," Spike chuckled.  "We'll keep it down."

As if on cue, a Mariachi band started playing.  "Would someone please shut off that fucking phone," Cecelia screeched.

End Part 12

_Most likely there will be an Epilogue coming.  Sorry about the lack of updates, I have no excuse.  I'm a baaaaad girl._


	13. Welcome Back, Kotter-- I mean, Spike

**Title:_Welcome Back, Kotter… I Mean, Spike_******

**Summary:_Homecoming time_******

**Spoilers:         _Post "As You Were"; goes off on a tangent from there!_**

**Pairing:_Who do you think?  B/S!_**

**Rating:            _PG-13, I guess._**

**Disclaimer:     _You know the deal.  Even though I wish I owned Spike, I own nothing.  All belongs to Joss.  I just play._**

**One Week Later… About ****9:00 p.m.**

"Please?"

"No way, Spike."

"PLEASE?"

"For the last time, NO!"

"Come on, luv.  It's tradition!"

Buffy rolled her eyes to the sky, as if there was someone who would help her.

"Come on. You know I'll just keep on driving in circles until I get my way."

She sighed and shook her head.  "I know."  Throwing her hands in the air in defeat, she said, "Fine!  I guess it's late enough for people not to notice until tomorrow."

Spike grinned.  "I love you, Buffy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she grumbled in reply.  Looking over at his smiling face, she immediately softened her demeanor.  Buffy hadn't' seen him this happy since... well, she's never seen him this happy.  He was practically giddy.  "I love you too, Spike.  Now look out, here it is!"

Spike gunned the engine.  "YEEE HAAAW!"  he yelled as he crashed over the 'WELCOME TO SUNNYDALE' sign.  "Home sweet home!"

Buffy raised and eyebrow questioningly at him and tried to contain the giggles that where threatening to escape.  

"What?" he asked.

"Spike, did you just yell 'Yee Haw'?"

"Yes.  Never speak of it again."

                                                            ******

They stood outside the Summers' residence.

"Why aren't we going inside?"  

"I don't know if I can do this, luv," Spike said.

Okay this was a first.  "Why not?  What's wrong," Buffy asked, confused. 

"I just can't.  They're all gonna try to dust me or something."

Buffy just laughed at him, relaxing.  "Is that all you're worried about?"  

"'Is that all?'" he repeated.  "First off, Dawn's going to beat the living hell out of me for leaving her the minute I walk through that door!"  

"Well, yeah she's mad, but after a slap or two, she'll drown you in hugs and kisses," she said with a smile.

"I'm glad you find my impending death so amusing."

"Stop exaggerating."

"I am not.  Well, if Dawn doesn't kill me, then Red'll curse me for sure."

"You already talked to Willow!  Did she sound like she wanted to do you bodily harm?"

"What about Tara?"

"Duh!  Tara practically shoved me out the door to get you back!"

"Okay, I know Tara likes me.  That was a bit much.  But Xander.  Xander will definitely try to stake me!"

"I wouldn't worry about him.  He had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.  You make me happy and that's all that matters.  That and the fact I'll kick his ass if he tries to hurt you."

"Oh really?"

"Mmmmhmmmm," she  replied, linking arms with him.  "So the only thing you actually have to worry about is Anya talking you to death.  There's no avoiding that."

They both laughed at that.  "Listen," Buffy continued, "I'm scared too.  But they've all been okay with this for a while now.  And I've realized it doesn't matter what they think.  It's what I think.  And if they don't like my decisions, then they aren't really my friends."

"Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"Not in the past 5 minutes, no."  
Spike grinned and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Buffy's lips.  "Let's do this."

                                                            *****

"Hey everyone, we're home," Buffy called upon entering the house.  They dropped their bags in the hallway and walked into the living room where they found Dawn watching TV.   

"Hey sweetie."

"Hiya nibblet," Spike said, shyly.

"Buffy! Glad you're finally home," Dawn replied, giving her a hug.  "William," she said, turning to the vampire.

The last thought that Spike had before he felt Dawn clobber him in the stomach was _'Oh shit.  Nothing good happens when a Summers' girl calls me 'William' in that tone of voice.'_

"You slimy, no good, two-faced, son of a bitch vampire!  How could you leave us like that!"

"Oh dear," was all Buffy said as she watched Spike double over in pain while Dawn ranted.  "Let's get you on the couch.  Sit down."

"I suddenly… have the need… for air…" he gasped.  "Oh shit," he muttered as Dawn once again loomed over him.  He covered his head with his arms to ward off any more blows she might deliver.  Instead, she curled up on his lap and fiercely wrapped her arms around his neck.  "I missed you so much!  Don't you ever do that again!"

"Wouldn't even think of it, bit."

"Huh?  What?  What'd we miss?" Xander said as the rest of the gang arrived in the living room.

"Just Dawn beating on Spike," Buffy replied.

"You couldn't have waited 2 more minutes?  I would have paid good money to see that!"

"Shut up, Xander."

"Shut up, Xander."

"Shut up, whelp."

"Well, can I at least make fun of him for singing in public?  I've been waiting for weeks to do that!"  
Dawn rolled her eyes and leaned over to whisper something in Spike's ear.

"Alexander Leville Harris!!  I swear--" Anya began to admonish, but was cut off by the grinning vampire.

"What's this I hear about me doing push-ups?"

"Oh no, not again," Xander groaned as he rushed towards the bathroom.

"Dawn, what did we tell you," Willow scolded.

"I know, I know, but at least he'll fit into his tux for the wedding!"

"Oy vey."

Buffy just had a confused look on her face.  "I missed something again, didn't I?"

"Actually, luv, you didn't miss a thing," Spike said, smirking.

"Don't worry," Dawn said.  "I'll explain it all later."

                                                            *****

"….. and Cecelia is going to come by for a few days next week to drop off the car.  Plus she wants to meet everyone."

"How come you just didn't drive home, Buffy," Anya asked.

Everyone laughed at her question.  "It's bad enough she insisted on driving to L.A. by herself!" Willow replied.

"We needed to get her off the street as soon as possible before she started killing people," Spike agreed.

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" Buffy pouted.

They all just looked at her.  "Okay, okay!  I guess failing the test 3 times constitutes as bad!"

"S'okay, luv.  You're foray into that territory just proves how much you love me," Spike said, putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah yeah," she grumbled.  "Anyway, I hate to break this party up, but I'm exhausted and someone has school in the morning…"

"Fine," Dawn said, rolling her eyes.  "Point taken.  Goodnight all."  She gave Spike another hug.  "I'm so glad you're home," she whispered in his ear. 

"Me too, bit.  Me too."  

"Well," Anya said, getting up, "I'm glad you're back and I'm glad Buffy is finally getting with the touch feelys in public with you.  But now Xander and I need to go home so we can talk about the way you're supposed to treat your friends.  Bye everyone."

"I guess that means no sex tonight," Xander said meekly as he followed her out.

Soon it was down to just Tara, Spike, Buffy and Willow relaxing in the living room.  

"Okay," Tara said, "Was it just me or did it seem like that exchanged should have been flipped around?"  
Willow nodded vigorously.  "Looks like they're taking lessons from each other!" she said with a giggle.

Buffy had to stifle a huge yawn.  "All righty then.  I think it's p.j. time.  I'm gonna get ready for bed."

"Same here," Willow said.  "I'll help you bring the rest of your stuff upstairs."

"I'll be up in a few minutes," Spike said to Buffy.  "I just want to talk to Tara for a minute.  You don't mind, do ya, Red?"

Willow and Buffy exchanged a knowing look.  "Not at all.  See you in a few."  
When they were alone, Tara turned to Spike.  "What's up?"

"I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"I know you were the one who helped the most with this whole situation.  And you're always had faith in me and what not.  You've never been anything but kind to me.  So, thank you," he finished with sincerity.

"Well, if I remember correctly, you helped me out once yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember?  She's a demon, punch, ow, ow, nope she's normal.  Yeah it hurt at the time, but you don't know how you saved me.  So thank you."

Spike smiled softly.  "I guess we're even then, huh?"

"I guess so," she smiled at him.  "I'm guessing everything is going to be okay with you and Buffy finally?"  
They were interrupted by a voice from upstairs.

"Spiiiiiikkkkee….  I'm waiting," Buffy called in a sing-song voice.

"Yes ma'am.  Everything is just fine," he replied with a grin.

~THE END~

(finally!!  LOL)


End file.
